I want you more than these girls want KFC
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We had to coat check the pizza.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
