May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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