I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
