I'm lost and stupid without you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
