She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
