He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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