Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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