I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
