Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
