There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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