oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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