Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
