i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
