Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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