sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
