who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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