What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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