I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
