i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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