i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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