we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
