Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
