Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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