I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
