I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Welp...herpes.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
