For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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