sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize