i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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