she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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