nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
