you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
