Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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