Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
