You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
