: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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