addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
