i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize