Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
