It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
