Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
