I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
