i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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