I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize