oh god the rape fog is back!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
