Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize