u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
