It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
