Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize