You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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