I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
