My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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