did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
