if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize