He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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