I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize