I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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