I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dick very happy bro
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
