Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
