fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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