someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
im on a boat
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