Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
