apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
