ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
