your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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