Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize