k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
