i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
