This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
