need another drink. this is the easiest way
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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