Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
