Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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