but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
