I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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