i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just had sex bonerless
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
