Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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