i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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