I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
