Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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