dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
