remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
