Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
