I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize