he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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