Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize