Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
