so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I still have a little drunk in my system
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
