I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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