So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
