Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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