you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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