took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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