Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
