why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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