first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
