I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
