dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
How's work?
Spinning.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
